The beginning...

I've been wanting to blog for a while now but my hubby didn't want all our friends knowing everything that is happening with us, so I decided to create this blog with a fake name.  I guess I'll see how anonymous blogspot can be.

So I thought I'd start from the beginning.  My hubby and I have have been together for a while now, but when we first got married, I just wasn't ready to have a child.  We had both never lived alone, so I didn't feel ready to bring a child into the world when we were still trying to get used to each other.

After a few years of marriage, we finally decided to start trying to conceive (TTC).  After a few months of trying, I took a trip and when I returned, I suddenly felt like I wasn't ready to have a baby because I still had other things I wanted to do with my life.  When I brought this up with my hubby, he accused me of being selfish.  We had a fight that lead to divorce talks.

Fortunately, we realized that we both loved each other and wanted to stay together and work through our problems by improving our communication.  We knew we needed to share our feelings, even if it may risk hurting the other.  I kept my hubby from knowing how I really felt, and that was frustration from TTC.  So to fill the void I was feeling, I decided to enroll back into school to keep me pre-occupied.

Now, you don't know me, but I am a perfectionist.  I am a definite Type A personality that wishes things to happen as soon as I put my mind to it.  so it was frustrating that my friends and family around me could try in the first month to have a baby and voila!  A baby. 

After a couple of months of taking a break from TTC, we decided to start trying again.  After two years of TTC...still nothing.  So my hubby encouraged me to see my gynecologist (GYNE) to get tested in case there were any fertility issues.  I resisted for a while because at this point in time I denied that anything was wrong.  I didn't want to know if something was wrong.  If I found out something was wrong and that I couldn't have children, I would be horribly devastated.

Almost a year later, I finally made the call, but with my GYNE being so busy, I didn't get an appointment until a few months later.  When I finally saw my GYNE, she had me run several tests and we found out I had a cyst on my right ovary and polyps in my uterus.  She sent me to a fertility specialist (FS) for a consult and the FS told me I had to have surgery to remove the cysts and polyps or she didn't think IUI or IVF should be done.

So I had the surgery done late last year.  I had never had surgery or ever been "put under" so I didn't get much sleep the night before the procedure.  It was pretty quick, but I had a bad reaction to the anesthetic where I couldn't stop vomiting.  I recovered a day or two later.  I had a D&C to remove the polyps and it was discovered I had cysts on both ovaries so they were both removed and it was confirmed to be endometriosis.

Prior to the surgery, we continued to see the FS for ovulation monitoring and tried naturally.  Since the surgery I've been placed on hormone injections.  The first month I was placed on Bravelle which resulted in the production of one egg.  We attempted IUI, but it was unsuccessful.  The second month I was placed on Puregon and produced 3 eggs, but ended up ovulating earlier than expected so no IUI was performed and we tried naturally.  I was hopeful that I was pregnant (since I had 3 eggs floating around), but unfortunately, it didn't.

So here I sit, third month of being placed on hormones after 4 years of trying.  It is currently Day 7 of my cycle and today I started acupuncture.  I decided to start seeing a naturopath to help me in conjunction with my FS.


Throughout my journey so far, I have figured out things I have come to dislike:

1. Going to the zoo.  That was the most difficult thing I have encountered since beginning this journey.  Everyone at the zoo is pregnant or onto their third or fourth child.  After being there for a couple of hours, I felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.  I even texted my husband informing him I am not sure I ever wanted to go to the zoo again.
2. People constantly asking me when I was going to have a baby and that it is about that time.  I just always feel like shouting "YOU DON'T THINK I'M TRYING???" 
3. People telling me to relax and that it'll come in time.  When?  When will it come?
4. Its upsetting to hear "don't worry" all the time.  When does this phrase start to run dry?

I'm hoping that blogging will give me a perspective on timelines (a fault I have because I often think one month feels like a year of TTC) and allow me to share my feelings with others in order to help me (and hopefully you) from going insane.

You are welcome to post any questions that you may have for me.  Let the blogging begin! :)