I know its been a while...

For my two followers...I thank you for following me :). 

I realize I haven't written in a while and its because the last IUI session had been yet again unsuccessful.  I was REALLY hopeful this time because everything looked so good...the timing of the IUI...my hubby's sperm...the number of eggs I had produced.  But when that darn red spot showed up...I was devastated.  This time, it hit me hard...I couldn't stop crying for two days.  I was so glad that it was the weekend so I could wallow and be left alone.

We're on vacation now, which is good because it let me just not think of reality for a second.  Just eat whatever I want, drink whatever I want, be as tough on my body (biking, walking for hours, sleep less) as I want....  So it's been good.  It's made me start to realize that adoption may not be a bad option.  I just didn't want to be a failure and I felt like adoption was a failure to my ability to conceive.  Especially when no one really knows what is going on with my body.  Endometriosis does have a lot to do with it, but it was taken care off, so shouldn't be a problem...so I've been told.

Being open to adopting, is the first big step.  So we're going to try one IVF session and if that is unsuccessful, I am going to at least look in to adopting.  All the meanwhile, we may try IVF two or three more times.  If at the end of the year there is still nothing, then we will probably start filing adoption papers.  Although this Robitussin method might be an option (??):  http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/robitussin-pregnancy-in-a-5-bottle-of-hope/article1529730/

But I wanted to share an snippet of an e-mail sent to me by my friend which just made me cry.  She told me that she was expecting only after having tried for a couple of months and I had congratulated her and here is her response:
"I just want to tell you that I think you are the most thoughtful, amazing person.  I know you are happy for me and John, but I also know that it's another reminder of the challenges you and Adam are facing.  And I want you to know how much I truly appreciate your kind words when I know that inside, you are struggling with things.  And I can't help to think about how unfair it is.  Even though I'm obviously so incredibly happy, I also wonder what I did to deserve this.  Why am I so lucky?  So anyway, thank you for being such a great friend!"